Hard

It hurts to breath, it hurts to think, it hurts to cry, it hurts no matter what I do. I thought she loved me, I know I loved her. She left without even saying goodbye. No closure to be found. I keep moving on keeping all the promises I had ever made to her. I still love her and have hopes for when we are old. I dont want anyone else. I will not have anyone else. I am content to be alone for the remainder of my life. Id give anything to say goodbye. I meant it with my whole heart that I loved her. Its not love if it doesnt hurt. I dont know what to do with myself. Just getting back into school. Thinking about applying for overseas medical school after finishing pre med here in the states. I will keep on walking with my head down. Waiting. Always waiting. Time goes on regardless of what I do or what happens to me. Thats the justification of this world is knowing that no matter what you do you will not change anything. All your efforts are completely futile and have no barring on the outcome of time or the future. You can change small events but the overall picture you will never have any effect on. I give up trying. I give up carring. The other day a man threatened to harm me and take my very life I laughed because I didnt care, hell I would have paid him to do just that. That damn promise. That stupid stupid stupid promise I have made has cursed me to walk eternally in hell with no end to the pain and suffering. I never want to love again. A wise man once said love is EVOL. This is the very truth.